Last night I was watching TV...
and my smoke alarm went off !!
-I HADN'T BEEN COOKING for 6 hours---
ghosts???
HELL NO---I knew what it was---
I had heard tell that a woman here in the building had hers go off--
due to silverfish in the ceiling--wiggling thru the sensors of the apparatus....
Sure enough--because of my see thru salad bowl that covers mine --glued in place with toothpaste--don't laugh, it works !
(ingenuity to stop it from going off when I cook anything or fart--even)
I saw a baby 'fish' running in circles along the dish....so I tapped it and tried to stun it--it worked
until 12:47 am
when it happened again--
when it happened again--
and again-- in 3 minutes---
When the little shit trips the sensor, it BEEPS only til the vermin runs.. or falls away....
so, I slept with my bedroom door closed---
the little bug has crapped many times in the dish--
little fly flecks...
needless to say--
I'm telling my apt. manager that the ALARM has to be removed--and will have the handy man "Wing" hole it up this week sometime --
Hopefully the little resident will die...
BUT others will follow so there I am !! --
And I wont risk the alarm waking me up on a:
gig --
meet --
or workout day...
WORSE !!
I screamed at the bird lady
A reasonable number of birds--unlike the incredible sea of feathered freaks that gathered today
---I was going to move the car... when across the street.... THE BIRD LADY had 100.. birds of all nations following her as she blatantly, fed them and pretended she wasn't -- cars driving along nearly had accidents as these flying rats 'Alfred Hitchcocked' them --
A reasonable number of birds--unlike the incredible sea of feathered freaks that gathered today---I was going to move the car... when across the street.... THE BIRD LADY had 100.. birds of all nations following her as she blatantly, fed them and pretended she wasn't -- cars driving along nearly had accidents as these flying rats 'Alfred Hitchcocked' them --
I waited for her and screamed my head off at her...uttered profanities (but cleverly NOT threats) she said,
"I'll get you for this"
then as she kneeled talking to her 800 year old dog --I bent down and screamed in her ear--
'stop it YOU IDIOT'
when she stood up-she was next to me..but on the way she elbowed me and said
YOU TOUCHED ME !!..
I countered
"no, you purposely elbowed me to pretend like I touched you"
--she said,
'one more time and I'll call the cops'...
Needless to say, I stifled the vile smut infested sentiments, I had dancing in my brain pan...
NOW --
spraying the interior of her car with pepper spray--
tipping it over in the night--
stealing her rock (she has a small boulder next to her apartment door)---
and 20 other pranks I've thought of doing to her--
can't happen...
cuz she knows I'm an enemy....
drat ! some days it pays to stay quiet...
blowing my cover in Vancouver--
a tourniquet at Lawn
background data---
EEeUUhh !! Silverfish??= BAD -CHEAP apartment??
--no--it's 1200 a month...and in a better part of town...
...the bugs--sublet ....
Bird Lady IS a menace ...she brings at least 100 to 200 birds a day en masse to one of the busiest streets in Metro Vancouver...she thinks feeding them is a 'kind' thing to do..meanwhile cars traveling 12th ave..nearly collide with these little beggars in flight...she is 2 minutes from a park that she doesn't use...I'm am only ONE of many who are on the " Ban Jenny Birdseed" front.
2 comments:
The trouble with most contemporary pigeons is that they are urban and they eat garbage.
Rereading Benvenuto Cellini's Autobigoraphy, note: (1) he was a dead shot; (2) he often shot pigeons in Rome and other cities; (3) shooting pigeons on the window sills of rivals and enemies amused him and irritated rivals and enemies; (4) he ate the pigeons.
In the country pigeons are called doves (actually a slightly different species may also be denoted).
If you eat pigeons, call them doves.
But don't eat city pigeons because they eat garbage.
Calling them doves doesn't help.
In Cellini's day, however, even city pigeons ate a fairly healthy diet, so one could call them doves and eat them.
What is interesting about city squirrels is that, unlike city pigeons, they still eat more or less the same things as rural squirrels.
So you can call them doves and eat them.
City rats have given rats a bad name.
City rats will eat anything, and usually do.
Country rats eat corn and grain and soy beans and so forth.
That's why the rat is a sign of good luck in Chinese.
The ancient Chinese did not have the domestic cat.
So a good harvest meant more rats.
Ergo: rats became a sign of good luck.
The ancient Chinese, and many modern Asians still eat rats.
Mostly they are country rats and they eat well.
So you can call them doves.
That is ONE AMAZING brainy and humorous writing--I really appreciate is hilarious art--it is too good to JUST post here---please put it up over on your 'Burbank's Tomato' blog --a wonderful history, and witty reply to my crows nest of annoyance here in the city....bless your long hops kind friend....here's to coronel Pickledishe's tazer fried crows !
garbage fed--they're the richest kind.
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